I’m sorry I’ve been a bit absent recently. With everything that’s been going on ,good and bad, it’s been hard to find time to right. But I feel there is something that I need to write about, even if it’s just for me. The truth about losing someone who was never yours to lose. If you think I’m sounding a bit like Éponine from Les Misérables, you’re right. Because that’s the exact situation I’m referring to. The situation where the one you’ve been in love with for a long time gets into a relationship.
First of all, let me tell you that it hurts like hell. It’s not because that person wasn’t your boy- or girlfriend that you didn’t put time, effort and a lot of emotions into this person. In my case he was also a very good friend. We had some fall outs over the past years but we kept coming back to each other. I’m not going to lie, a part of me was always hoping that one day he’d look at me and see more than just a friend. So when he got together with a girl he’d only known for three weeks, a girl I introduced to him, I broke.
You want the truth about loving someone who sees nothing more in you than just a friend and an occasional bedpartner? It hurts every step of the way. Every moment you look at that person, you want them, to be with them, to laugh with them. You can see a whole future unraveling before your eyes and yearn for it. But they don’t. The question “What If” will keep you awake for more nights than you can possible imagine. I’ve been telling myself for months that I didn’t hurt as much as it did, fooling myself that it was okay. The full extent of how it affected me came crashing down last Friday when he told me he had a relationship.
I took the drastic step of cutting him out of my life completely. I erased all his pictures, deleted his number, unfriended him on all my social media. It hurts every single day but I know that I can’t be his friend when I have these feelings, I know that I need distance.
For all of you who are facing the same or a simular situation, I hope you make the choice that is right for you, whatever the consequences may be.