it’s been a while. I’m not writing to say sorry, because I’m not. Eventhough it’s really shitty what happened, I’m not sorry for the things I said and how I felt. We had a good time together, a couple of good laughs. I remember glorious nights filled with wine and a golden haze of our friendship. But I also remember pain and tears when you did something stupid again. In all honesty, our friendship was never healthy, not for you or for me. But it sure was friendship and I miss it, everyday. I miss you all the time.
The truth is that you became more than a friend to me, you became my world in the good days and the devil in the bad. There was no neutral with you. There is just one thing I know for sure: I’ve always loved you… And in this moment, I believe I always will.
But this isn’t something that could last forever, somewhere we both knew it. I believe I made the right decision, no matter how hurt and lost I am right now. The fact is that I’ve always tried to be there for you, even if we were fighting, if something bad had happened I’d come, no run, to you. And yes, I always knew that nothing would happen between us, but that doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt when you fell in love with someone else. So I told you I needed some time, some space, to heal. You got mad, remember, because I didn’t want to talk about it. You said you were done and I said fine, we’re done. I felt my heart break.
So maybe this is for the better. I would rather miss you than love you while you’re in love with someone else. I would rather miss you than be friends with someone who doesn’t validade my feelings and needs. I really needed some time away from you, just a week, and you made me the villain, the bad guy in this story gone wrong.
Point is that even now, after all the bullshit and pain, I’d still run to you if you called my name. I’d still do anything I can to make you happy and that’s not good. You still have so much power over me and I hate it. This is for the better, you can’t be in my life. I’m so sorry that I’m in love you.